0 calories

I'd been on a diet.
You wouldn't have known.
I was convinced I was me and those skinny enlightened models had so much less suffering.
I found myself hopefully browsing catalogs of diet plans.
For years.
They guaranteed complete ego death in anywhere from nine days to nine lifetimes.
I was finally moved to commit to one of them, so I signed up for nine lifetimes.
That was twice good:
1 - I got a good useful feeling that I was doing something about it, and got to make progress charts. These had the nature of weather reports: my old weight would always come back.
2 - Nine lifetimes meant I got to keep my old treasured sense that I'd never make it anyway.
Well, you could say that was right all along.
You always know when you're faking it.
The body knows a good diet:
Eat when you're hungry.
Stop when you're full.
After that, wash your plate.