What after?

For Old Fish…

Some of us have lived long lives already, huh? And seen our naiveté dismantled again and again, nothing has ultimately worked or proven itself worthy. Well. There comes a point. Some call it paradigm shift, or quantum leap, or whatever – something that indicates a change so radical that it’s not only a dramatic improvement of old methods in order to attain the same lofty goal. It's a rethinking (if that word is even applicable here) of what the hell one is doing anyway. It's the point where you stop wondering "how can I find answers that will satisfy me", and start wondering "what is it that I'm asking"? When you want truth about yourself more than making nice. When you start to experience continual amazement at all the ways in which “tell me what I should do” permeates every moment (literally) of your life, even though you’ve been believing you were a free agent, surely now you’ve been disillusioned one time too many and you know better – but here: look. Wanting to follow a rule again. Being lost. Searching for what is right, what is better. Something reliable to put your faith in. Something solid. Something that will help you make sense of the world. One has read all the books, and seen teachers. One knows how to speak like a spiritual person, and when talking, one tries to not make mistakes according to what one has heard was true.

It is not for lack of better information, formulations and solutions that “we” are getting stuck. Going deeper into the human experience is just in the seeing of how one is disallowing it to begin with. How one is applying the brakes at each instant, afraid of falling, how one is desperately not wanting to be free. There is the biggest void, and there’s not one dull and meaningless moment in living it. And “we” who want to find an inspiring new world-view to help us work on ourselves for the foreseeable future, can not live with, or bear or appreciate the void. It is vibrant, vast, alive and always new and unpredictable. And you – you are completely on your own. Right here where you’ve always been. So you could stop pretending now. If you dare.

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(None of the above is actually true. Nor is it otherwise.)